Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I am a Career Woman

Way back during my college years, I foresee myself as a corporate woman. When I landed the job as an Associate I.T. Specialist a.k.a. Programmer, I achieved that dream and then I foresee myself like "Boss Kat" in 10-years time (Boss Kat is the intelligent, intimidating, ever-fashionable VP of the IT Department that I worked with then).

Four years down the path to being my own person's "Boss Kat", I stumbled into the so-called blissful married life. I gave up my career without any hesitations...why? Because I am part of the percentage of women who aren't blessed with an easy pregnancy. In fact, for my husband and I, it was a hit and miss thing. I had a number of miscarriages before the pregnancies with my two kids became a success, BUT both times are high-risk pregnancies.

At present, many years after I left the corporate world, I admit that I still do miss the feeling of cramming for deadlines, waking up early so as not to be late for work, dressing up, programming, debugging, attending meetings, talking to users about a new project and the likes. At times, I even fear that when the time comes that I want to go back to work I might not be hired anymore because I'm now nearing my thirties.

But hey wait...I do have work...I have two little bosses that demand every bit of my attention and time. I always have deadlines because in every move the kids make is a deadline that has to be met, if not the daily schedule or routine will be a disaster. I wake up early because once they open their eyes work begins (they don't even give me time to wash my face). I still do dress up, I dress up and play pretend with them. I still do programming and debugging...I program them, at times by trial and error, and discipline them into growing to be well-rounded individuals. I attend meetings...with my kids and Dibo the gift dragon, Mickey Mouse, Special Agent Oso and the whole gang of Playhouse Disney. New projects? Well, I talk to my husband about our plans for the kids' future, new things we want to buy for them, new ways on how discipline them, etc. Well I may not receive any monetary reward or special award for this job, but what I get in return is priceless and can not be compared to any amount of money...the laughter I hear when I goof around with them, being witness to their milestones as kids, the contentment of seeing them both healthy, being able to kiss away the pain of the boo-boos, the kisses, the hugs, the "i love yous" and the love and magic I feel when they call me "Mama".
I was and still am a career woman...kina-career ko ang MOTHERHOOD in heart, mind and soul.

Saturday, July 18, 2009


tatay on his first flight out of the country... =(
January 12, 1990.

As a child, that's one of the saddest days I've had. I was a grade-4 student then. Upon arriving from school that day, I've sensed something missing at home. I panicked, because I dreaded that day to come so I immediately went inside my parents' bedroom and I saw that it was only my pregnant Nanay who was in there. And it confirmed the thought that I Tatay already left us. Ooooopsssss, it isn't what you're thinking...he didn't die (GOD FORBID!!!) nor did he leave us for another girl. He already left for Japan, to work there as an OFW. I know that he is already bound for abroad, but as a 10-year-old kid I don't have that much interest on the specifics of things. Our Nanay told us that my Tatay's group had been called for an "immediate departure" so we didn't get the chance to say goodbye to him. My younger sister and I cried ourselves to sleep that night.

Days, months, years zoomed by. Birthdays, graduations and other important events passed by...still Tatay stayed in Japan to work, to provide for us. Never a day passed that I didn't miss him. He stayed there for 11 loooooooooonnngggg years. He didn't get that chance to come home because he worked there as a TNT (his work papers are not legal). Some said that he already had a family there, but I knew and I believed that in my heart of hearts that my Tatay can never do anything to hurt us.

I graduated from college and started working. I very much wanted for Tatay to come home already, because I wanted to be the one to work for the family in return for all the sacrifices that he and my mother did for us. He said he would have to stay a little bit longer because he wanted to save some more for my brother's schooling. But come September 2001, our Lola (Tatay's mother) died. He had no choice but to come home.

On the way to the airport, I felt excited, happy and sad. It really was a roller-coaster of emotions. I was excited and happy because after 11 years I'd get to see him and hug him and kiss my Tatay again. I was sad because it took 11 years for me to see him and hug him and kiss him again. I already saw him from afar, I was trying to hold back the tears because he already looked old. I felt that it isn't fair for him to have grown old without us by his side. I also felt happy and sad for my youngest brother, because it was the first time that they ever laid eyes on each other personally (Nanay gave birth to my brother 5 days after Tatay left).

I'm very much happy he's back. But having him back took a little bit of adjustment for us. Imagine, he left us as little daddy's girls and when he got back we're already independent ladies. Honestly, I didn't get to bond with him as much my younger sister and brother did. Much as I want to bond with him there's work, friends, night-outs, love-life. I guess I took for granted the idea that he'll be here for good already.

Two years after he came home, I got married. I now have my own family and we live quite far from my parents' house. We visit them as much as we can every week. There are times when I'm alone waiting for my husband to arrive from work and the kids are already asleep, I get that feeling from way back when I was a child when my Tatay is abroad. I still miss my Tatay. Maybe because I don't get to spend much time with him anymore, I am not as updated with his activities as I used to. Maybe simply because deep inside I long to be that little girl...tatay's little girl again.

I love you tay.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Kiddie Anecdotes

I have two kids, two boys to be exact; one is a 3-year-old and the other one just turned one last month. It can be so amazing how kids like them can make us laugh or melt our hearts with the most trivial and silliest things they say and do. I would just like to share with you some of those moments. Read on.
I always love to sing along with whatever it is being played on the radio or whenever I just feel like singing. One time, while inside our car, my eldest son told me to stop singing. Thinking that he was just disturbed by my loud voice, I just sang quietly, but still loud enough for him to hear me. Again, he said "Ma, stop singing." I asked him, "Why?" He answered back "Because you don't sing good, you're off-key."
Here's another, I was humming and singing my youngest kid to sleep. My kid keeps on fidgeting and crying. So I stopped singing, guess what? My kid fell asleep as soon as I stopped.
WHEW!!! These two incidents got me I really sound that bad when I sing?!?! Hahaha...maybe I really do sound sooooo bad that even kids don't like what they hear. How come no one bothered telling me this before. All the while I thought I can carry a frustrates me. Well I guess I'll just have to sing when I'm pretty sure that no one can hear me or I'll just sing in my head.
I am a breastfeeding mom eversince I gave birth. When our 2nd baby came, the nursing sessions with the eldest kid lessened but did not fully stop. Months before his 3rd birthday, we started controlling and telling him to start taking his milk from a feeding bottle or from a cup. I told him, "When you turn 3, no more nursing/feeding sessions for you anymore, you'll be a big-boy by that time." He retorted "OK, when I finish being a 3-year-old I can nurse from you again." Smart kid, isn't he?!
It was nap time for the kids. Time for me to cool down and relax a bit. I was really stressed, tired and burdened by a certain problem that day, that I broke down and cried silently with eyes closed. Suddenly I felt something move. It was my youngest kid, he was already awake. He was looking at me, as if trying to decipher what was happening to me. I continued crying anyway because I thought that he wouldn't understand and remember that I'm crying since he is still a baby. Lo' and behold, he crawled next to me and looked me in the eye, as if telling me to stop crying and that he understands what I am feeling. Next thing I knew I was smiling because he kissed me on the lips. That wet kiss from my baby took away all the stress and problem I was thinking at that moment.

These are just some of the oh-so-many touching and silly moments courtesy of my boys. It just shows how funny, honest, naive and uncorrupted their minds and hearts are.