Happy 2nd and Happy 4th Birthday!

I guess they will always be little kids to me even when I'm old and gray already =P

Awwwwwwwww, tomorrow Arkin will be turning two already. By next week, it's Kuya AJ's turn to be a four-year-old. My little boys are getting not-so-little anymore.

I don't want to sound melodramatic but there are times when I want them to stay as kids forever, specially during those times when they are in their behave-mode hehe. On the otherhand, I wish they'd just grow up and outgrow their tantrums, the sibling spats and their hardcore hard-headedness. But hey, come to think of it, who says that there won't be more spats between them, or they won't be as hard-headed or much more when they grow up. And so, just like what I always hear from one of their favorite characters as of the moment, Special Agent Oso...."It's all part of the plan, more or less." Everything is indeed part of the plan, God's plan that is, part of their childhood, part of hubby and I's parenthood, part of life itself. =)

To my two AJs, Aldric Jarett and Arkin Jayden, a happy birthday to you both. Always remember that papa and mama loves you. Even when you two grow up, in my heart of hearts, you'll always be my little boys.

The Gift Called Motherhood

My boys...my AJs

My husband and I waited for almost three-seems-like-forever-long-years to be parents after getting married. We almost gave up due to my miscarriages and ALWAYS high-risk pregnancies. But everything was worth the wait when we were blessed with our AJs...Aldric Jarett and Arkin Jayden. Two inviduals that truly and oficially made me a certified mother.

Reality smacked me into my senses that i am really a mother while talking to a friend over the phone. I was telling her about my kids and stuff, when suddenly she said "Mommy ka na talaga!". It made me realize that indeed I really am a mother now. True, that being married had me used to the "we" or "us" principle already, but motherhood is a different story. It made me look within me and see myself in a new light.

I've realized that my time is not mine alone anymore. There are times that i'd delay and forget my own needs for their sake. I even have mastered the art of taking a less-than-5-minute bath. I willingly and whole-heartedly gave-up my career so as to fully devote my time to them most especially now that they are in their formative years.

I've realized that money in my hands are not mine alone. When in the mall and I see a pretty dress or a really hot stiletto or a good book, I think about a hundred times before purchasing them (and more often than not, I end up going home empty-handed hehe). I think more of my kids' future, what they need, what will look good on them or what's the newest "it" thing for kids their ages. The following will have to wait at bay for now: my pocketbook collection, fashion sense, food cravings, my "dream" to study again and other personal wants and needs.

I've realized that my life is not my life alone anymore. As kids, their lives depend on me. That's why i have to take care of my self better than ever, most especially after being being diagnosed with hyperthyroid and hypokalemia (I'll make a different story about that later hehe). I have be a SuperWoman to protect my boys from anything that might hurt them, to be able to enjoy playing with them and watch them grow up.

I must admit that at times it all seems like all I do is to sacrifice, but really, it is no sacrifice on my part because as cliche as it may sound I love being a mother. But honestly, i don't love every single minute of it (especially when the kids get hysterical or gaga over something and the disciplining part), but as a whole I'm thankful to God that He entrusted me with this gift. A gift that I will forever treasure.

Down He Went

Yup you've read it right, my eldest kid, kuya AJ (3y.o.), fell down from the stairs! just wanna share coz until now i still feel sad and shocked about what happened.

It happened last night, we went to my aunt's house to attend the despedida party for my uncle. i asked my tatay to look after AJ coz i'll be going upstairs to BF my bunso; my husband went out to look for another slot to park our car. knowing how hard-headed my kid is, wala nagawa si tatay when my kid followed me upstair. after a few minutes of playing, kuya told me he wanted to go downstairs already. i tod him to wait for me while i turn off the lights, electric fan and TV. so i turned my back on him, it was just a matter of seconds. and then i heard his footsteps as he goes down the stairs. i saw him reach the "corner"-part of the stairs (yung parang triangular slice ng cake ang itsura)...i was about to call his attention and tell him to wait for me...then IT happened...i saw his foot slipped that "corner portion"!!!!! i saw him tumble down the stairs...5 to 6 more steps pa un pababa. good thing was he was catched by my cousin before his head hit the floor.

I was carrying bunso that time...hindi ko alam kung ano gagawin ko. it was as if my feet were nailed on the floor, i was dumbstruck by what happened. nakagalaw na lang ako when i heard him cry. hubby got in the house, so he carried AJ...and then natulala na naman ako kase i saw his lips and his nose were profusely bleeding. the only time i moved was when my uncle handed me a towel with ice at un ang nilagay namen kay kuya. buti na lang andun sila nanay at mga titas ko...naku kung hindi baka hindi ko nakalma sarili ko. my uncle is a professional lifeguard abroad so in a way he has knowledge on first-aid and initial diagnosis on accidents. he advised us to observe kuya na lang for 8hours...kung wala naman sha irereklamong pain or anything pwede ng hindi dalin sa doctor. kua AJ didn't sustain any bump/bukol sa any part ng head nya, nor did he have any sprain/bali. ung sugat lang sa lips at loob ng nose talaga.

It's now 19hrs, after that incident...my kuya is UP and makulit pa din. i guess that's another part of his childhood and another part of parenthood that we experienced...hopefully wala na ulit mangyari na ganun...nakaka-guilty eh. it makes my husband and i wish na sana kame na lang nalaglag.

From a kid's point of view

Lately, you'll often hear me and my husband shout our hearts and lungs out: "NO!", "Stop it!" or "Do you want to stand at the corner?"

It got me thinking, as a parent, it gets tiring to constantly be on the look-out for any misbehavior that my kid will do, how much more for a child like him to be constantly yelled upon and apprehended? I bet sawang-sawa na din siya na pinapagalitan siya, di ba? But he's a child and a child will always be a child, no matter what.

The next time I have the urge to call his attention and scold him, I will think of the lines below and imagine my kid explaining to me...things that I think are the reason why my Kuya is acting like he is...the typical rowdy and mischievous three-year-old.

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"Often times when you call for me and I don't heed to your call right away, it doesn't mean I don't listen to you, maybe it's because I'm too engrossed with the toy I'm playing with. I am not an adult who knows the concept of multi-tasking."

"Sometimes when I get over-'makulit', maybe it's because of the sugar in the candy or chocolate that you gave me."

"When I shout or throw things because I'm angry at my brother for hitting me in the face with the toy car or frustrated because I can't put into order the toys the way I want it, I hope you won't take it against me, because much as I want to control my emotions I can't. You as adults are having a hard time containing your emotions, ako pa kaya na bata pa lang."

"When you tell me 'No', the curious side of me wants to know the reason behind your 'No' that's why I still do it anyway."

"It is only natural for me to love jumping, running, tumbling or any other physical stunt because it is at this point in my life that I'm learning to fully coordinate my motor skills."

"I hope you won't get tired of pointing out to me all the colors, teaching me the alphabet, numbers, shapes, etc. and correcting me patiently, I can't help if my mind tends to wander off to that new show on TV."

"At times, I do misbehave on purpose. Why? Because I miss the undivided attention that you are giving me before our 'bunso' came. I guess I just got used to being your one and only. But don't worry I'm now getting use to and loving every moment of having a new playmate around."

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I don't like the heavy feeling when I scold my kid, so I guess trying to understand what a child really is and what goes through his head is the best solution to this. In the end, the parents are happy and the kid is happy as well.